Smiles and Laughs!

Hello Friends!  Sometimes God smiles at us and sometimes He laughs!  This past week there was some of both.  My new mantra, "Stronger, Leaner, and Meaner" applies.  I was a bit bruised, but am none the worse for wear.  There are parts of the week that I would like to forget and parts that make me smile.

Remember, I am just now recognizing the new person I hope to become and with that journey there will be bumps!  Everything lately is a learning experience, new things around every turn.  No more details, but know that I am continuing to look for Just Julie adventures.

Tomorrow I am meeting with Sara Williams to talk about the fundraiser for the girls' basketball team summer program. I am hopeful that we will make an agreement and I can get to work right away.  These personalized pendants will be fun to make and, hopefully, will put some much-needed money in my pockets.  Andrew had a fender-bender in the high school parking lot this morning, so we will need to deal with those bills..........does it never end?

I missed walking all last week because of weather and other activities.  I missed it and really enjoyed walking this afternoon, although I didn't walk as much as I was before last week.  I read somewhere that you have to do an activity for a certain span of time before it becomes a habit..........does anyone remember that statistic?  I fell off the healthy eating wagon last weekend too, but it doesn't appear I have gained any of the 22 pounds back as of this morning.  Of course, the Reese's Peanut Butter egg didn't help after school today.  Thanks Mom! HA!

So my question tonight, how do you keep the motivation alive after the novelty has worn off?  That, I think, is where I find myself now.  I had some pretty specific goals related to last weekend and now I need to set some new ones.

Here I am sporting my black eye from a few days ago.  This was only one in a series of freak things that happened! (Cordless phone flew up and hit me square in the eye) God smiled and then did a belly-laugh!

Until later!  Julie

Faith

This post is not particularly easy to write, but it is long overdue.  Some of you know that I have taken a break from church in recent months.  This was by choice, and the time was right.  By now you know that I have had a difficult couple of years.  Honestly, I have had a difficult 12 years!  I am only now emerging from that fog and trying to find myself anew.  I was raised in the church and worship has been a HUGE part of my life always.  It was how I developed and shared my music, and was always part of my identity.  Things like "You are Julie from the Methodist church." or "I recognize you from church." have always been things I hear from people.  Truth is, for a long time, that was the only outlet I allowed myself. In the last year, however, I have looked at things in my life and asked the question, "Why?"  I discovered something interesting - I didn't go to church because I wanted to, I went to church because I was expected to.  There is a difference!  Often I enjoyed my time there, but sometimes it was just something else to cross off the list.

The time presented itself last fall to take a break and Andrew and I took it.  I didn't tell anyone the reason for my absence - that was between me and God.  At first, I didn't miss church.  I missed people, but not church and I thought that maybe I would not go back, or at least change to a different church.  Changing churches was never going to work, however, because my church was where I belong - each and every time I walk through the doors of the sanctuary I think of my grandfather working the day those huge beams came together at the apex of the sanctuary.  Anyway, I began to love Sunday mornings at home. I never had any obligations on Sunday other than church, so lounging, cooking breakfast, doing housework - all those tasks got a couple of extra minutes.

My family didn't even know what was going on in my head.  Some people had an idea about why I was gone, but that wasn't really the reason - although, again, the opportunity presented itself.  Mostly it was a feeling of selfishness - I had gone to church all those years and my life just wasn't getting any easier.  I was praying for things that weren't happening. I have been blessed, very blessed, in my life but it just all seems like a struggle.  Nothing can be easy and nothing seems to ever go according to my plan.  I know, don't say it, I know!  God makes the plans and He has the vision, but I am a control-freak.  I want to be in control.  Is that too much to ask?  Clearly, I had been to church but had never heard the message!

Last week I went back to church because the youth and their parents were starting the "Love, Sex, and Dating" series in Sunday School.  Andrew and I needed to do this, so off we went.  Sunday school was pleasant and much less painful than we both thought it would be.  We headed upstairs to the sanctuary for worship.  It was nice.  I sat with my family and Andrew and I enjoyed it.  There was an announcement about a women's retreat the next Saturday and on a whim I bought a ticket.  This morning I headed out the door for this retreat and really, really needed it.  While I have not come to terms with all my control issues, I know that God has a plan for me!

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Here I am out the door this morning!  'Til later - Julie

Mini Celebration!

Hello Friends!

So today I am celebrating!  I have lost 15 pounds since the New Year.  I have approached this with a new outlook - not dieting exactly, but really thinking about the food choices I make.  The truth is that I feel really crappy when I eat crap. (Really technical diet vocabulary) and I KNOW how to feel better!  I eat because I am bored, sad, alone, upset........all of the emotions I have been ignoring for so long.  Certainly, I need to keep this new vision alive - but I have been unable to lose even 5 pounds for the last 5 years!  I have a long way to go, but have a hunch that this time could be different if I really live my words.  Does that make sense?

Words are so easy, ssssooooo easy!  Actions are the hard things. I am at a point in my life where the actions matching the words is essential.  I have no time for people who lie to me - I have had ENOUGH of that!  I want to surround myself with people who are truthful, genuine, and real.  This is so uber-important to me!  Certainly, I am unable to judge people's intrinsic motivations, but if the words match the actions - I'm comfortable.  This is new behavior for me.  I have traditionally taken words as a committment, and then was continually disappointed!  How silly is that?  Like I didn't know any better!

Have you ever noticed that when one thing goes well, everything seems to go well?  School isn't even getting under my skin lately - although I would draw the line at saying it is going well.  Even I am noticing that there is a smile on my face more often now.  I wonder, is it possible to feel this good on a regular basis?  Maybe it is - wouldn't that be GREAT?  I might, however, begin to scare some people who are used to the serious, somber me. LOL - wouldn't that be a hoot?

So, I'm asking you............what makes you happy?  For me right now?  Family, old friends, new friends, feeling like my life is getting under control, walking to great music, breaking my ties with food, getting a good night's sleep every night.  The list could go on!  Plus, it feels like spring!  HOORAY!  Until later, Just Julie

Serendipity

First and foremost, my basement is much, much better.  There really isn't less stuff - although I did throw out 2 garbage cans of stuff - but it is much better organized and less cluttered.  Well, maybe not less cluttered, there still seems to be a LOT of crap down there.  Here are some pictures - because I have a new camera - so you can see how I divided it into 3 different areas.  The good news is that I didn't have to buy anything - I already had all the materials I needed to organize the space.

This is the Just Julie work area!

This is the music and book area!

This is the television/gaming area - where Andrew hangs out most!

This week alone has given me a LOT of time to think.  Most of you know that I think TOO much and it often leaves me stressed and frustrated.  This time, however, I have tried to focus on how things happen.  Life is a journey, and we never know what the next stop on the trip is. Up until about a year ago, I was pretty focused on doing everything that was expected of me.  I thought that if I did that, then good things would happen because I was doing "what I was supposed to".  While it sounds very altruistic, it was really just my defense mechanism.  No one was supposed to notice that I was sad or lonely.  Looking back, I think lots of people noticed, but no one said anything because I didn't seem worried about it.  In reality, I was worried about it but didn't ever speak of it.  Then a funny thing began to happen, and I can't really put a finger on a single trigger.  I guess it was the success of Just Julie and I realized that I really might have something that other people appreciate, but that isn't really it because I had music before that.  Whatever it was, I decided that it was time for me to do things for me!  Now mind you, I hoped I didn't hurt or disappoint anyone, but I began to do things that made me happy.  Many people have noticed a change, which fueled the desire within me.

Then came the new year and I had to really begin to focus on what I wanted.  What I wanted was to get out of my house and enjoy being around people.  I LOVE my friends and family and wouldn't want them to think I don't enjoy being with them, but maybe there could be more out there for me.

SO...........I am trying to meet new people.  Nowadays the way to meet new people is online, and I firmly believe that the internet contributed to the death of my marriage. I had, therefore, resisted meeting people this way due to a fear of hurting other people, or meeting crazy people or weirdos, but I was looking at it wrong! I was seeing only the negatives and ignoring the positives! The number of people we come in contact with in our daily lives is pretty small.  We are bound by geography, our careers, or family to stay in one place, without much opportunity for meeting people different from ourselves.  I'm not just talking about Kirksville, because the same thing happened when I lived in other places. The very thing I was afraid of has now become a great opportunity! The internet allows us to meet people totally outside our small circles!  The world is much "smaller" than it used to be because now we can get online and talk to anyone anywhere in the world.  That realization is what I am calling serendipity!  Who knows what will happen and what twists and turns are ahead.........I'm just glad to be back on the bus!  

Until later - Just Julie

The Basement

So, this week my focus is going to be the basement.  I would assume everyone has a place in their home where they send things to be forgotten.  That place in my house is the basement.  When Andrew and I moved into this house in 1998, the basement was an empty room with a couple of chairs,a bookcase, the piano, the computer, and a tent Andrew got for his 3rd birthday.  There is a big room, a half-bath, and a laundry room.  It seemed HUGE!  Over the years, more and more stuff has been relegated to the basement - everything that you don't know what to do with.  Now the room has all the original stuff (except the computer), a couch, recliner, television, gaming system, large round table, a large armoire, and lots of other crap.  It has become more of a space for Andrew.  This week my goal is to get some of it organized.  I think I could work for a week and not make a dent.  Lots needs to be thrown away - why is that so hard?  What is it about stuff that grabs hold of us and doesn't let go?  I am all for keeping sentimental things - the more the merrier, but junk isn't sentimental!  It's junk!  What do you think friends?  What is your secret to a happy medium of possessions and junk?  I am anxious to hear your stories - maybe one of them will inspire me!

An idea I saw on Pinterest caught my attention recently.  There were two vases and colored marbles.  One vase was labeled "To Lose" the other was labeled "Lost".  The idea was that for every pound lost you move one marble to the "Lost" vase.  So today I went to the dollar store and bought 2 vases and two colors of marbles.  I have yet to figure out where to put the jars - they need to be somewhere I can see them when I think about snacking.  This, coupled with Weight Watchers online and walking, is my strategy for success.  I am starting with a very small goal - like 10 pounds - and will work from there.  The only think left would be to put pictures of me in a bathing suit all over the kitchen, but making everyone sick isn't the answer to the problem either.  I will let you know in subsequent blogs how it is going.  I might even try to do some challenges like my friend Missy B. did.  Something has to change if I am to stay on track this year.

Have a great week, until later, Julie

Perspective

Hello - a week has passed and while I am still looking back at last week with a smile, life has moved on.  Who knows what my next opportunity will be, but that isn't my first priority.  Spring Break is upon me and as I drop Andrew off in St. Louis tomorrow, I realize once again that I will be mostly alone for the next week. I don't mind being alone - at least no one disappoints you when you are alone - but it doesn't really fit into my new vision.  Certainly a trip isn't in the budget.........................will it ever be again?  So I am asking you, my friends, do you have any suggestions for me this week?  Shoot me a challenge.

I was doing so well with my diet while I was hopelessly terrified and nervous, but that seems to have worn off.  I am hoping that the nice weather next week will inspire me to get outside and walk.

On a happier note - I was contacted by the Girls Basketball coach this week to possibly work on a fundraiser for their summer team this spring.  We will look at it more closely after their season is over, but this is something that interests me.  I hope that Just Julie will be what they are looking for.

Have an awesome break if you are in Kirksville, even though it isn't truly spring.........and we never really had winter..............and there isn't really anything exciting to do!

Until Next Time - Julie