Happy New Year - Welcome 2013!

Hello again friends!  I know I already posted this week, but I decided to do the year-end post while I was thinking about it and had some time.  This year - 2012 - goes down as one of the best years in my 48 years!  So many good things happened, new people became a part of my life, my son is happy and healthy, and my family is well.  I hope you will indulge me as I reflect.

I have been a single mother since 1998 - actually before that - but officially since Andrew was 3.  We moved back to Kirksville because that is where my family was.  I had no burning desire to return to my roots, but realized that I couldn't do this alone.  In retrospect, this was a very, very wise move.  I now see that raising my son in this small community built stronger family ties, afforded us a comfortable living, and allowed Andrew to grow up in a "village" of people who love and care for him.  The same things that made me hate Kirksville as I was growing up were the things that made me love it raising my own child.  Andrew was my first and only priority, and it was easy.  For years, I never gave a second thought to what I wanted, that didn't matter.  It was all about Andrew.  I believed that there wasn't any time for anything else in my life............and there really wasn't.

Fast forward several years.  I began to recognize that there needed to be more in my life and threw myself into community and church activities.  Andrew and I were so busy we met ourselves coming and going.  There was a deep sense of gratification that came with all the good things we did, but I was still lacking the sense that there was anything in my life that was for me.  I convinced myself that I would never have a relationship again - in fact, I avoided a formal divorce because I thought it would keep me "safe".  Of course now I see how silly that was!  It only trapped me in a perpetual sense or limbo - this "temporary place" of in between.  Finally, I was divorced in 2010 and set out on a journey that has changed my life.

The reason that I need to include this history in my post is because without this piece of the puzzle, it really doesn't seem like a big deal that I took the gigantic steps I took in 2012.   On the contrary, it was a HUGE deal.  I need to give some credit to a book I read cover to cover named Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.  This book had been recommended to me years before by a counselor but, for whatever reason, I decided to read it and really see how it related to my life.  I spent many hours, tears, and tantrums realizing that I was a CLASSIC CODEPENDENT!  IN EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE!  I recognized myself in each and every chapter.  I saw that I had devoted my life to fixing things for everyone in my life, but never myself.  It was as if a 1000 ton weight was lifted from my shoulders. It gave me permission to begin thinking about what I wanted in life. To NOT always focus on making others happy at the expense of my own happiness.  This was the turning point, but I wasn't quite there yet.

I began to focus on what I wanted.  Still to this day I think it sounds selfish, but I learned the word "no."  It became easier as time went on.  I saw myself begin to open up, be more willing to invite people into my life, and begin to trust again.  I started to blog, and began making necklaces.  I found that people really liked me (yes, you read that right - I always assumed people just tolerated me) and that they appreciated what I did.  I sold necklaces and gained more self-confidence.  The thought in my head became, "Maybe, maybe there could be something more for me out there." I came to the realization that my "temporary" life had become permanent - and what did I have to show for it?

Enter 2012!  The first step I took was to be intentional and deliberate about taking better care of myself.  I had been trying to lose weight casually for the year previous, but 2012 saw me get very motivated!  After some initial success, I began to walk daily.  I walked and walked and walked.........and I loved it! I tried to do some jogging, but that wasn't for me.  I was content to walk.  Most days I walked 2 - 2.5 miles and saw weight begin to fall off.  Honestly, I can pinpoint an 8 week period in the spring of 2012 where I dropped about 25 pounds.  Greek yogurt, fruits and veggies, and chicken were my staples.  Andrew thrived as well.  I felt SO much better, I didn't have digestion problems I had battled for years, and I was losing weight.  Why had I waited so long to do this?  (Again, emotional insulation) During the same time, I joined Match.com.  I remember taking Andrew to breakfast and telling him that I was joining and that I was hoping to start dating a little bit and fretting about what his reaction might be.  There really was no reaction - he was fine with it.  I could cross that off the list to worry about - I had his blessing!  I'm sure you read my blog post after I had my first date.  It is my single post that has the highest statistic for views.  That man was certainly nice, and I enjoyed myself, but more important than that was the fact that I had overcome my fear!  It was like jumping off a cliff!  I had survived!  The rest is history.  Then John came along.  One date with him and I knew I had met someone special......very special.  I cancelled my membership to Match.com. The rest is history.

I have goals for 2013.  I need to continue my weight-loss journey, I need to focus on being more financially independent, I need to help Andrew make some choices about what he is going to do in life.  I want to start a website for Just Julie, I want to expand my garden, I need to reduce clutter in my home.  I am now confident that I can now do anything!  Anything I set my mind to!  Should I try to impart some advice on you now that you have been reading for 5 minutes or longer?  DO IT!  Whatever it is, DO IT!  Don't let fear hold you back.  If I really think about it I can lament the years I wasted being afraid.  But I'm not going to do that.  I am just going to be thankful for 2012 and look forward to 2013. Happy, Happy New Year to all of you!  Until later!  Julie

Merry Christmas from Just Julie!

Hello friends!  It has been a LONG time since I have written a blog post.  I have had a couple of people ask me why.  The reason I give is that I haven't had time.  I am busy, but that isn't the real reason.  The reason is because I don't want to repeat myself when I say I am happy.  And I am very, very happy.  My next blog will evaluate 2012 - but preliminary indications say it will be a rave review.  I have surpassed even my wildest dreams.  I rarely let my guard down, but one thing I would do prior to this year is daydream when given the opportunity. In a lot of ways it really tortured me. Mostly this happened in bed before I fell asleep.  I would close my eyes and imagine my life if I could have anything I wanted.  Sometimes I would dream about having a big house or a nice car or a job that paid me much more money than I currently earn, but mostly I dreamed about having someone love me.  One of my favorite movies is Bridget Jones Diary.  Certainly, I love this movie because it is Colin Firth.............I LOVE Colin Firth, but also I relate to Bridget.  Mark Darcy has a line, "I like you, just the way you are."  That struck a chord with me the first time I saw the movie and made me cry almost every time I watched it. (and I have watched it a zillion times)  That's what I wanted - someone to love me just the way I am.  Never did I ever think at 48 years old I would find it!  But I have!  I am in love friends!  Real love, the kind I have been looking for all my life!  This is the way it is supposed to be.  It is often said that you don't know what you have until you lose it.  In my case, I didn't know what I didn't have until I found it! Saying this makes me feel a little guilty, like I am hurting people.  That is not my intent at all, but I have realized that this is what I wanted!

Christmas this year has been a bit different.  My finances led me to find a way to make some Christmas gifts this year.  I bought some supplies from a soap and lotion suppler in Washington and made Candy Cane lotion, sugar scrub, and added Candy Cane lip balm.  This was a raging success!  Had I known, I would have bought more supplies and sold some - and based on comments, I could have sold a butt-load!  I enjoyed making this and hope that no one thought I was cheap..........although in reality it was MUCH cheaper than buying small gifts and hostess gifts.  I have had the thought of doing it for Valentine's Day and Easter with some different scents.  I also found myself looking forward to Christmas in a way I haven't in years.  There was something magical about the holiday this year......and I know what that magic was.  I have a new outlook on life - and that has made the difference.

Merry Christmas friends!  I hope your holiday was as wonderful as mine!  My wish for all of you is that you can find the same happiness I have found.  Now that I am in this place, I have no intention of leaving it!

How Will I Know?

Hello Friends!  It's been a while since my last post.  Yes, I have been busy getting ready for school, making sure all my summer projects were completed, (which they weren't) and trying to get back in the mindset of working. As a teacher, we live for the summer to recharge our batteries!  Now that school has started, I am struggling with time management.  There doesn't seem to be enough time for everything.  Work, home, exercise........not enough time and I am not even going to try to say I will get up earlier to exercise.  That won't happen.  So far I haven't gained anything back, but I must get moving to continue to lose.  I don't want to lose momentum.

A couple of weeks ago my mom asked me if this was the best summer I have had for a long time.  Of course, the answer was YES!  That made me think.....when was the last time I was this happy?  I'm not sure I have ever been this happy.  That is certainly NOT to say that I have never been happy in my life.  My life has been filled with joy and happiness, from many different sources. My family and friends have been a constant source of joy in my life. With that statement, I just mean that I don't know that I have ever been so focused and settled in my situation in life.  I have let go of the anger - that happened several years ago -  I am feeling confident again, Andrew is at a point in his life where he is more independent, and I am happy with the direction my life is heading. It begs the question, however, how do we know when we are happy?

Happiness is a vague word. It can mean so many things.  I believe we spend most of our time chasing a happiness that is abstract rather than concrete.  I'm happy my bathroom floor looks clean, but that doesn't mean it made me happy to have to mop it.  When we are young, it seems like there is a laundry list of things we must do or achieve to reach our eutopic happiness.  Then you mature and realize the things on that list aren't really the source of our happiness.  Some make life easier, like earning more money, or a job that you love, but most aren't really the source of the happiness.  I think a lot of my happiness right now comes from the wisdom that I can stop chasing that elusive paradise. Happiness is today, right now, knowing that I have a job, a comfortable home, people I love and people who love me, enough money in the bank to survive the month, and my health.  Happiness is a state of mind, not a thing.

Yes, I know I'm not the first person to write this.  I have read it countless times in magazines and books.  Maybe it boils down to maturity.  Maybe happiness is being mature enough to realize all the other stuff doesn't matter so much.  I guess lots of people just never get there.  That's why older people aren't in such a hurry, they have it figured out that the joy is in the journey, not the destination..........Hmmmmmmm.

Heading downstairs now to make some necklaces.  That makes me happy.  Several new designs.  Let me know if you would like to see.  Have a great week and weekend.  Enjoy your journey friends!  I am!  Until later, Julie

Glass Overflowing!

Here is the first picture that John and I have together.  It has been a long time coming.  This photo was taken by Andrew with my phone, so the quality isn't the best, but looking at it makes me smile.  I am truly blessed and I don't have to worry about my glass being half full - IT IS OVERFLOWING!

Glass Half.................

Hello Friends!  Summer is ending soon, and I can't even tell you where it went!  I got my "official" school letter today announcing the back to school breakfast and faculty meetings...........that's the first sign.  Andrew is off this weekend to his Florida grandparent's house, so that is always the second sign that summer vacation is over. School starts so early this year - Aug. 15!  The past few years it just seems to get earlier and earlier.  There was a time when I thought Aug 24 was too early, but now that looks like an ideal date!  I've been at school several days in the past couple of weeks, and it looks like I am ready.......at least the classroom looks ready.  Am I ready?  Might be a different answer.

Most of you know that I am over-the-moon happy with the direction of my life right now. I have lost weight, I am in a relationship with ABSOLUTELY the right person for me, Andrew has adjusted and is happy,and there seems to be less stress in my life.........at least at this moment. I hope to be able to continue to lose weight once school starts again; it is too hard to diet when I am home in the summer! Everything has settled into a very comfortable routine.  It has, again, given me the chance to step outside myself and look at my life and assess.

If you know me at all, you know I am a planner.  There has never been a time in my life when I didn't think planning allowed me to handle life situations well.  Planning is not easy, nor is it fool-proof, especially when dealing with non-planners - as was the case in my marriage.  Now I'm not saying that everyone should be a planner.....heaven knows my planning often makes me miserable!  Then come children - no one can plan anything with children!  But generally, I have planned for almost every possible contingency in life.  Recently, however, I have begun to think that I am doing it backward, or at least causing myself added stress by planning so much!

My philosophy has been - at least for the past 25 years - "Prepare for the Worst, Hope for the Best."  I thought that would reduce disappointment in my life.  As I began to think along those lines, I got pretty good at figuring out what the "worst" might be.  I spent hours and hours worrying about how I would handle the "what-ifs."  In fact, I spent much more time worrying about those "what-ifs" than living life in the present!  How silly is that?  I missed things in my life because I was busy worrying about things that might or might not happen!  That is often called seeing "the glass half empty."  John said this in a conversation and it struck me.  I DO LOOK AT LIFE THAT WAY!  So much so, that sometimes, when the best happens, I am not as joyful as I could be.   I am simply grateful that the worst DIDN'T happen.  There is an absolute difference between the emotions!

So, my new goal........an added goal..........to look at the glass as half full.  This will be a difficult adjustment, I fear, because old habits die hard.  I need to embrace the here and now.  Not worry about what might happen in the future..........it will either happen or not.  I intend to plan, and make wise life decisions, but try really hard to change my approach.  I think I will be a happier person in the long run.  Plus, everything in my life is AWESOME right now, so I don't have anything to worry about.  :)

Until next time, Just Julie

Reflection

Hello Friends! Two things have happened this week that have caused me to do a little reflecting.  This is usually a time when people examine things and think of things they would have done differently.  Today's reflection, however, is to mark how much I have done in 2 years and make a plan from here forward!This week, two people have stopped me and asked if I have lost weight.  Now, for those of you who don't have a weight issue, you don't understand how HUGE this is.  When you are overweight, people don't want to say anything about weight until you have lost enough that they can be absolutely positive the answer to their question is yes........otherwise it is best to keep their mouth quiet.  Yes, my magic number is 36 from my highest point last year!  The people that asked me this week are people I don't see often, so they had to have noticed a remarkable difference.  I was able to put a smile on my face and answer, "Yes, I have lost 40 pounds."  (I did lose 40 and have gained a little this summer.......grrr)  I have lots of people in my daily life that have noticed and supported me along the way, but this week made me feel sooooo good.......not good enough not to eat the brownie with ice cream last night.......but really good.  At this point I am just trying to maintain so I can get back into the routine when school starts.  It's too difficult to be good when I am at home all day!The other thing that prompted this reflection is a second friend commenting that my blog has inspired them to blog.  I blog for me, it is a way for me to get thoughts out of my head and onto paper.  I will say again, the written word is my first choice for important communication, so a blog seemed perfect.  Now, 2500 page views later I am blown away by how much this blog has become a part of my life and the support I get from it.  I am also blown away by how many people have said they have been inspired by me! Really, I don't feel worthy of inspiring anyone, but have drawn strength from the people who have said that to me!  So.................let's look back!  This blog dates back to the summer of 2009, but I really started my journey in earnest in November of 2010 - a little less than 2 years ago.  My divorce was behind me, I finished my Master's degree, and I was beginning to feel strong again.  I started making necklaces as a hobby and quickly found that I could supplement my income with my craft!  I had a phenomenal response to my first 2 outings - I made a little less than $700 dollars for Christmas that year - which was good because I didn't know where Christmas money was going to come from that year!  Here is a picture of me at Andrew's 15th birthday party with family.  This is a bit before November, 2010, but I wasn't taking very many pictures then because I didn't like what I saw!

I wrote this blog to explain my desire for change in my life:

Blog Dated November 10, 2010:  I'm a mom.  It is my most important job and I have loved almost every minute of it.  It has been Andrew and I on our own for 12 years and he is a good kid.  I take pride in that.  Of course, Ron deserves credit too, a lot of Ron is in Andrew.  Anyway, I have put that first since the day he was  born!  All along, I kept thinking that I didn't have time to do anything else.  That changed somewhat when I started working again when Andrew was 3, but that wasn't really for me - it was something I had to do to pay the bills. The first time I really did something for me - and me alone - was joining the Community Choir.  I credit my parents for that because it was as large a commitment for them as it was for me.  I then began to see that when I took time to do things for me, I became a better person.  It gave me an outlet and an identity other than "Andrew's Mom", although that is still my favorite.  My singing has become a much larger part of my life than I ever dreamed!  Thanks to my friend Rich for that.  From that came the courage to enroll in grad school, something I thought I would never do.  Not only did I succeed, I enjoyed it!  Thanks to my friend Dianne for that.  Now I do other things that are JUST for me, and I love it!  I am first and foremost Andrew's mom, but I am also JUST JULIE! Thanks to my brother Rob for the logo.  Until next time, Julie


Now, this was my way of expressing myself and my desire for change, but it seemed to be something that everyone understood, and the support I gained spurred me on.  I became a happier person and did more things that I wanted to do, not just the things that others wanted me to do, or that I perceived others wanted me to do. This became a springboard for me to really examine what made me happy in life.   


Time moved on and I moved with it.  I really worked on becoming who I wanted to be and that involved many changes.  Learning to use the word "No" was one of them and learning that I wanted more people in my life was another.  I had thought about that many times, but finally had the courage to join Match.com, after a disasterous start with eHarmony.  I wasn't convinced that anything would come of it and, honestly, only had enough money for 3 months.  One day in the 3rd month, a picture and profile came up that drew me in immediately.......and soon after that, I met John. Most of you know how happy I have been the past 2 months.  To quote my sister, "If you keep this happiness stuff up I may have to..........throw up."  I've told her to keep the puke pan at the ready, because I want to keep being this happy!  I have found the road that I want to be on and don't intend on straying off this path anytime in the foreseeable future.  Life is good!  Life is really good!  Life is great!  

Here is a picture I took last week...........I can look at this picture and smile - this is the me I want to keep improving.  I don't want to go back, only forward.  Thanks for all your support and help!  I have often referred to the Hillary Clinton quote, "It takes a village to raise a child."  Well, it takes a village to rebuild a life, so THANKS GO OUT TO MY VILLAGE!  Until next time - Julie

Summer, summer, summertime!

Hello Friends - When I was in junior high, we did an adaptation of the play You're A Good Man Charlie Brown.  I played the part of Lucy - my first, and last, starring role in anything theatrical!  Anyway, Snoopy sings the song Suppertime.  The chorus goes, "Supper, supper, suppertime" and he sings it while he is dancing around.  This is how I feel about summertime.  It goes so quickly and it always seems I have so much on my to do list! Hard to believe that summer vacation is 5 weeks old!

My brother Rob and his family came to visit from Texas last week.  They had been in St. Louis all week and came to Kirksville for a couple of days before heading back to Texas.  They were pretty exhausted from traveling by the time they got here, so we had a pretty low-key visit.  They all stayed at my house and it was cozy, but manageable.  It went very well.  It isn't often that all three siblings are in Mom and Dad's house at the same time, so these are special memories.  Becca, Rob's daughter, will be 12 in August and is becoming such a beautiful young woman.  Ben is a pretty funny kid, even though traveling is very difficult for him.  He was fascinated by all the fans in my house.  He would wander from room to room and turn each fan on and off.  He would then make the same comment about each:  "That's an awfully nice fan."  He did this repeatedly throughout the 2 days he was here.  He also has such good manners!  If you asked him to do something he didn't want to do he would reply, "No mam." and walk away.  Rob and Jenn are doing a fabulous job with both of them.  Notice I am in none of the pictures...........I was in the kitchen fixing the food and when we were done with the meal, Tracy was in the kitchen cleaning up...........Oh well, they know what I look like!

The question comes up repeatedly:  How is my love life?  The answer:  Good, very good, great, BIG SMILE!  I can honestly say that this is the most unexpected life change!  For years I thought I would never trust or open up to another person ever again, but that is not the case.  It proves that when the right person comes along, you just know!  Oh, and, NEVER SAY NEVER!  John has been wonderfully kind to both Andrew and I.  Recently we went to John's parents' house for a fish fry with his family.  Andrew and I arrived before John, but felt comfortable enough to go in and start preparing the watermelon we had brought.  We hadn't been there 5 minutes before I cut myself with the knife Shirley gave me to use.  Now, this wasn't a small knife cut!  This was cutting off the tip of my finger!  I was able to move away and wrap it up with a paper towel so the watermelon could be saved, but the injury was worse than any cut I have had.  Once I took the paper towel away and saw how much blood there was, I felt faint...........this is when John and his 2 daughters arrived!  Nothing like a little drama!  Luckily, there was a nurse there, Mary, and she was able to get the bleeding stopped and wrap it up.  There was no need to go to the hospital since there was nothing to sew back on and we were able to stay there for the evening.  Thank you goes out to Nurse Mary (I don't even know her last name) and the Henderson clan for helping me through this.  I guess there is always a story with every event..........and I will never, ever be allowed to cut a watermelon without hearing about that night again!  My finger is fine, growing back nicely, and even though I don't have feeling in it right now, the doctor feels sure I will eventually get those nerve endings back. Here is a picture of the fish Andrew caught later that evening.

This last picture is of the roses that John bought me later that weekend.  I can't think of the last time I have had a dozen red roses from someone other than my mother or father and it was RIDICULOUS how happy these flowers made me.  I feel young and silly again..........at the tender age of 47!  Life is GOOD!

Until later friends - Just Julie

Families That Play Together..................

Hello Friends!  Happy Summer!  When a person decides to become a teacher, they must take into account the stress, low wage, and overwhelming responsibilities that are attached to that profession.  Having said that, June and July are the months that allow us to re-evaluate that decision and leads us back to the classroom in August.  I am now accustomed to sleeping until 8:00, walking in the morning, and spending at least 2 afternoons a week in a pool floating around getting a tan!  Ah, summer!

Last weekend, I went to a rodeo.  Yes, a rodeo.  I have been to one previously, when Andrew was young, but I found that I am  really, really clueless about anything related to rodeos.  It is accurate to say that I got a bit of an education!  My friend John and his family invited me to go to the LaBelle rodeo and I was glad to get the opportunity.  See, they love horses.  John's brother and his family and John's parents have enjoyed rodeos and horse shows for years.  We sat front and center, where I could see everything, and we all enjoyed it.  The weather was pleasant, the company friendly, and the experience was very nice.  As I sat and watched everything that was going on around me - there was quite a crowd - I noticed one thing.  There were lots and lots of families that were attending this together.  Mothers and fathers with children young and old.  Grandmas and Grandpas, neighbors and school friends were all happily chattering away and having a fun time. One young family sitting next to us had the cutest little boy - probably 3 or 4 years old - who was wearing his cowboy hat, boots, and spurs.  He was adorable!  I smiled a lot that evening, and even though I am quite sure I will never be a rodeo aficionado, I truly enjoyed every minute of my time there.

It made me think about families.  John's family shares a love of horses, the land they farm, and each other.   My family had other passions. When I was in high school, I  was "pushed" out onto the tennis court by my parents my freshman year.  It's not that I didn't want to play tennis, I just hadn't ever played it before.  At that point, my entire family became tennis players.  We played several evenings a week, my parents drove us to tournaments in the summer, and my father and I even entered tourneys as a mixed doubles team.  That became our "thing".  By the time my sister and brother were older, they became swimmers as well.  My family traveled many-a-mile to swim clubs all over Missouri and southern Illinois.  I know families that do many different  activities too.  In fact, whether it is basketball, baseball, soccer, dance, pageants, music, racing, swimming, rodeos, bowling, church, basket collecting, or anything else, the common denominator is family.  It doesn't matter WHAT you are doing, the key is that you are doing it TOGETHER!  As a child, that often seemed a bit smothering.  I know Andrew sometimes wishes he could do more things alone, independently, but these are the things that family memories are made of.  I can't remember a lot of the things I did with friends when I was a teenager even though I had awesome friends. I do, however, remember the tennis I played with my father, the swim meets we attended together, the music recitals and concerts we participated in, or the Longaberger events I traveled to  with my mother.  I see a lot of students pass through my classroom door each year.  There are many things that affect the success of a child, but the single most important variable is the relationship those students have with their family, and how that family spends their time together.  Supportive loving family = Successful happy kids! 

I am very fortunate to be blessed with a very supportive loving family and my most important objective in life is to provide that for Andrew as well.  Every family is different, or course, but I do believe the saying is true - The family that plays together, stays together.  Go out and PLAY with your family! :)  Until later - Just Julie

The Years Are Short

Today a friend in Washington posted this on Facebook.  She was lamenting the fact that her son was going to be a senior in high school next year and how that could possibly be.  When Andrew was born, I became part of a Mom's group.  There were six stay-at-home moms who had babies within 6 months of each other.  We started meeting once a week because we were all struggling a bit with our new roles and the loss of our identities.  The group remained strong through the time we lived in Vancouver, WA - and we added a few more moms.  The core group remained the same, and all of the other families added more children, Andrew was the only child of the bunch.  We have remained in contact through the years, by Christmas cards and more recently through Facebook.  If you read my blog, you know that I am struggling a bit with the speed in which time is racing by.  This video, by a woman named Gretchen Rubin, happiness-project.com,  perfectly embodies what I have been writing about.  In our case, it wouldn't be a bus ride, but it might be a trip in our Nissan van, a story about our dog Kallie, or a project in the yard that we tackled.  Enjoy this video and share your own stories about how you remember the early years of being a parent.  Thanks go out to my friend Stephanie for bringing it to my attention today.  This sounds like a website I will enjoy and be inspired by!  Until Later - Julie

This Boy!

Andrew at 3 days old. 

Hello Friends,  Summer is here and with it comes lazy mornings, relaxing evenings, and fun times.  Andrew has been in Chicago this week with Aunt Melissa and I usually enjoy him being gone for about a week.  Today marks a week of his absence in our house, and I am ready for him to come home.  With his 17th birthday just around the corner, I have been a bit nostalgic the past few days, thinking that he is only a few years away from being gone.  Where have the past few years gone?  It seems like it was only yesterday that I was bringing him home from the hospital.  I often call Andrew my gift from God for many reasons, one of which being that I don't think he would be here without a bit of intervention from above.  A lot of prayer, a super doctor, and weekly injections made my pregnancy possible.  While I know I look about 15 years old in this picture, I was an older mother at age 30 and we were ready to give our child all the love we had to give.  

    

Andrew at 3

Andrew at 5

I was fortunate to be able to stay home with Andrew, so I stopped teaching and was a full time mom.  It had always been my dream to be a stay-at-home mom!  I loved the time I stayed home!  Lots of the time it was just Andrew and I because his father always traveled for his job.  We were two peas in a pod!  We had a comfortable home, great friends and family, and we had so much fun. We moved to Kirksville when Andrew was three, and even though I started working, I still treasured every minute with my boy!  I have written about my commitment to parenting in previous blogs, but there was no other important thing in my life.  Being Andrew's mom was all I wanted to do!  He was such a sweet little guy, always polite and loving.  He slept when he was supposed to sleep, he cuddled when I wanted to cuddle, and we were happy. While it is stressful to be a single parent, I look back on those days with a joy I didn't feel as I was going through it. I was Andrew's mom!

Andrew at 9

As Andrew grew, he became more independent - as kids do - but I still felt that tug at my heart each time we hugged or cuddled.  They tell you before you become a parent that you don't understand love before children, and I can tell you that is true!  One of the things that happens with an only child is that they are often treated like an adult.  This has been true with Andrew!  In some respects we have been fortunate that my sister has 2 boys and they were together a lot, so they were almost like brothers.  Andrew and I loved to do projects together.  We would do things in the yard, or around the house, or for my parents.  Andrew has always been a worker, just like me.  We often accomplished things that astounded me!  

Vacation 3 years ago

It goes without saying that I love my boy!  While he is sometimes a pain in my behind, he is a very good kid. He is responsible and loving, a hard worker, and  very compassionate.  I am so proud of him!  He has lots of really great qualities.  School isn't easy for Andrew, nor does he work as much as he should at it. But he does other things without difficulty.  I have watched him take apart a lawn mower and put it back together.  I have seen him fix items in our house.  These are things I did not teach him!  He figured it out on his own!  He is an awesome traveler.  I love taking trips with him - even though he does get stressed out sometimes!  

Happy Birthday to my baby boy Andrew!  As much as you will hate this, you are still my baby.  I will love you for always.  Our lives will change in many ways over the coming years, but I will always be there for you!  No matter what!

I LOVE to hear Andrew laugh!

Until later Friends, Julie

Teenagers

Hello Friends!  It is the final week of school and I can see the finish line from here.  I am sure it is my age, and the age of my son, but I seem to have gotten a lot of graduation announcements and party invitations in the mail, on Facebook, and in my email inbox in the past month. Now, I don't want to be Debbie Downer - graduation is an exciting time and a milestone achievement in life!  So congrats to all the graduates! Your hard work has paid off and hopefully you are prepared for the challenges that lie ahead! I have been thinking back to my own high school graduation, when I thought I had it all figured out.  HA - what a joke that is now!  I had NOTHING figured out!  I do, however, remember thinking that the day after graduation I was going to feel different.  I also remember waking up the next morning realizing that I felt nothing different.  In fact, I was starting all over again!  Graduating looks so exciting when it is on the horizon, but in fact it is simply an end and a new beginning.  Exciting?  Yes.  Life changing?  Maybe. The finish line?  No.  While I understand why we can't make these 17 and 18 year olds understand this, I sometimes wish someone had prepared me for the feelings of "the morning after."  Even my classmates who weren't going off to college had big decisions still to be made!  We were old enough to be done with high school, but not quite mature enough to be adults.............at least I wasn't!

On the other end of the spectrum, I have been accused of acting like a teenager lately.  On more than one occasion, I have been known to smile, giggle, or even laugh out loud while looking at my phone.  I have discovered that dating now is much different than dating when I actually WAS a teenager!  Gone are the days of staying home and waiting for the phone to ring. (And gone are the days when the telephone was in the family kitchen and attached to the wall- making private conversations totally nonexistent.) Now, the phone goes with us, and doesn't even have to ring.  A few words by text message and a wink or a smile can be sent or received within seconds.  There are several things here that have me perplexed.  Is it better simply because communication is much simpler to achieve, or is it better because I am a different person than I was 35 years ago?I am convinced it is both, but mostly the later.  I have come to realize that I need to decide who I want to be, not wait for someone to tell me who to be.  I have also come to discover that I should only ever be 100% myself! This was not the case when I was younger.  With maturity and battle scars comes wisdom.  I have so much more wisdom than I did then.  I am much more comfortable in my own skin - that wasn't true when I was younger.  Sure, there are lots of things about me that I would love to change, am working on changing, but the list of those desired changes no longer involves my most basic values and beliefs.  The list no longer involves me changing the very foundations of who I am.  I admit that when I was younger, I was searching - searching for direction, searching for faith, searching for love.................and I was not really searching for me!
Now that I have found me, everything else is sweeter.......finding direction, finding faith, finding love.  While I may be looking through rose-colored glasses, I dare say they are actually rosy - and don't just have the illusion of rosiness!

School................well school will be over on Thursday.  This week is basically a play-week.  I am always anxious for the end of school to get here, but with it comes chaos, work, and anxiety.  Certainly, it is not an anxiety born of the unknown, it is more an anxiety of what will come next.  I already have 2 work days scheduled next week - to write reading curriculum.  People often say that teachers have such an easy life - they have summers off.  Those people don't realize that one school year ends and another begins within the next few weeks...................

Hope this finds everyone as happy as I am right now.......everyone should be this happy!

Until later,  Julie

Happiness!

Hello Friends!  I hope everyone is having a fabulous spring.  I know I am!  Life is good! Really good!  Really, really good.............and it makes me happy. If you had told me 2 years ago that I would be in this place, I would have said, "Hell no, I will not, why would I want to do that?"  If you had told me a year ago I would be in this place, I would have said, "No, no, I don't want that."  If you had told me 6 months ago I would be in this place, I would have said, "No, there isn't anyone out there for me."  Today?  I'm simply smiling.  A LOT!

I have read a lot of books over the past 10 years about how to find happiness, and be grateful for the simple things.  Life gets complicated sometimes.  So, so complicated!  It is easy to lose track of what is important.  I have come back to the core of what I was looking for, happiness!  I am ridiculously happy right now, and I love it!  Honestly, I am beginning to think this has been God's plan all the time.  Remember when I wrote about losing my faith and being tired of waiting for my prayers to be answered?  I spent years waiting for my "real life" to begin.  Years!  All that time has led me to this place in my life, however.  It wasn't easy, and there were many tantrums and tears along the way, but I wouldn't be who I am now without that time.  I think that, along with my acceptance that God answers prayers in His own way and on His own timetable, has brought me here!  My original vision was that I needed to find what made me happy.  I have found friends, a hobby that I enjoy, a long-needed fitness overhaul, and a very special man, John. If you follow me on Facebook you already know this......and he is wonderful.

I have often heard people say that you have to go out and find your happiness.  I never believed that because I thought that if it was truly meant to be, then happiness would find you.  Now I see it is a combination of both.  Happiness cannot come through a closed door.  There must be at least a part of it open...........that's what I think I have done this year.  However small, I opened the door and took the risks needed for happiness to find me right now......and I am happy!

The school year is winding down and I can see summer on the horizon.  I enjoy summer as a time to focus on what needs to be done around the house, recharging my energy for school, relaxing, and enjoying the freedom that comes with no schedule.  My friend Dianne will be back in Northeast Missouri for the summer and I am really, really, really looking forward to lazy afternoons in her pool where no one can see us in bathing suits! :)  The necklace fund raiser went well - Coach Williams is happy with the outcome and so am I.  I will also have some time this summer to get all that organized and ready to go for the fall and holiday season.

Friends, I hope you feel as happy as I do!  I had truly forgotten how this feels!

Life Moments

Hello Friends!  It is the end of April and I don't know where time goes?  All is well, but life just seems to be flying by..........  When Andrew was young, people would say, "Enjoy this because it will be gone before you know it!"  My response to that was usually amused acknowledgement - I heard it, and knew that they felt it was true, but didn't see the application in my life.  I was working too hard at it, trudging ahead, mired down in the enormity of my responsibilities.  Things were ticked off as in a list - preschool √, kindergarten √, soccer √, baseball √, church activities √ the list goes on and on.  Often, I felt so overwhelmed that I thought I would never get through it.  Those thoughts still come, but not as often now.  What is happening, however, is that warp speed that wiser parents referred to. When did it all start going so fast?  Yesterday, my baby boy took a friend to her senior prom.  He was all the things a good escort should be......tall, handsome, polite. (I hope)  It almost seemed surreal.  My son could not possibly be old enough to go to prom, right?  A friend told me not to cry, and I didn't think I would.  But today, looking at all the pictures, I felt like crying a little.  Not because I am sad, but because it is bittersweet to watch these milestones pass.  In another couple of years, this will be over.  I'm not sure how that has happened since I haven't aged at all in the past 15 years............HA!

This is what Andrew looks like in my mind's eye!

Andrew and his friend Kaitlin off to prom

The KHS girls basketball fundraiser has been a success, they sold about 70 pendants and will walk away with more than $600..........I hope that equals a success to them, it does to me.  I have had some interest in doing a similar fundraiser in the fall with the dance team.....I might be up for that one too!  


In regard to my goals for this year, I have good news to report on that front too.  The magic number is 30 - and I am feeling good.  Having said that, I had a horrible food day today!  Back on the wagon tomorrow!  I also have new people in my life, and the twists in the road might be evening out.........and I am enjoying every minute of it.


School is almost over for the year, and I am looking forward to some quiet time in June and July.  Again, where does time go.  Hope there is as much joy in your life as there is in mine right now!  Until later.....Julie

Short and Sweet

I am sitting on my deck and am going to post the shortest blog ever - LIFE IS GOOD! Until next time, Julie

Ode to a Wednesday!

Wednesday wasn't kind to me today!  The day started off okay, and I'm not really sure where it went wrong.................

I have written lately about my "new vision", and my goals.  I have made a lot of great progress and am encouraged about my new happiness.  There have been some twists and turns and I have taken those in stride.......embraced them even!  It wouldn't be fair to say that I am transformed, but in a lot of ways I feel like I am.  I've even had to make some choices recently - something I hate to do - and have felt really, really good about them.  Confident, you might say.  I wrote to friends that I am "settled".

Imagine my surprise today when I was simply doing my job and got called on the carpet.  Luckily, I had done the legwork and paperwork ahead of the situation so I was covered, but still.  Here it is......I had a parent call my principal today and complain that I expected his/her student to turn in classwork/homework!  Yep, that's it!  I'm picking on the kid for pestering about homework!  I don't know about you, but I find that alarming.

Now, I am never, ever going to win Mother-of-the-Year.  I make mistakes with my son each and every day.  I yell about things I shouldn't yell about, accuse him of things he doesn't do, blame him for things that aren't his fault..............lots of things.  But I expect him to do his homework.  ALL OF IT!  There are consequences when he doesn't!  Usually those consequences hurt me more than him because he makes my life miserable, but that doesn't mean I don't expect him to work or that I won't follow through on the consequence!  I have said many times over that the problems in American education aren't entirely educational. We have social problems, and lots of them!  I am appalled at the things people do and say every day!  In school, in social situations, in the news.........everywhere!  Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I took money for teaching school each day and then never expected students to do anything?  Enough of my soapbox, I know that in the long run, the child is the one hurt in a situation like this.  High school comes as a shock for them and some don't make it through.  Sad, really......what's the answer?

On a happier note, the pendants for the KHS girls basketball teams are coming along nicely.  If you need a personalized Mother's Day gift, a pendant with a child's picture on it is a nice gift :) Find a basketball player and order yours now :)

There is still a smile on my face more often than not now...............quite a bit more often, so all is good.  Days like this are going to happen and maybe I just need to use the experience to look at my own child and be thankful he is as good a kid as he is.  He really is.........even though he is costing me a bazillion dollars lately.  Thank God for the rain and the opportunity for him to mow lawns...................  I love my son, very much, and before I know it he will be gone.  I have to stop or I will cry :)  Kiss your kids and have a good end-of-the-week!  Oh, and, Thursday, can you be kinder please! Until later - Julie

The sun is shining, and the birds are singing!

Hello friends!  Today is Monday and it is so pretty outside on my deck!  I love this time of year when the temp is still cool enough to be outside and there aren't many bugs!  I HATE bugs!  A friend and I sat on the deck Saturday night and drank a bottle of wine and enjoyed every drop!  I need to do that more.........just sit and do nothing!

As of today the magic number is 22!  I need to keep my motivation because the scale hasn't moved in over a week.  Hasn't gone up, but hasn't gone down either.  A couple of people have asked me about what I am doing.  I have been watching what I eat pretty consistently for the past year.  I even spent several weeks eating nothing except "diet foods" but was unsuccessful at losing any weight.  The difference this time has been the walking.  I walk every day I can.  I am truly learning to enjoy it too.  I spend that time thinking, reflecting, and thinking about my next "move".  I have found a couple of walking podcasts on iTunes that have made it easy for me to stick to a pretty consistent rhythm when I walk which keeps the heart rate up most of the walk.  Those are Motion Traxx Fuel for Fitness.  The name of the podcasts are Walker's Delight and Walker's Delight 2.  They are free, you just download them to your iPod and then go.  They are good because they are just studio music.  I find that if I am walking to my own favorite music I focus on the songs and don't get that thinking time.  When I am using the podcast and get into a rhythm, I don't even think about how much further I have to go.

I am having an interesting year.  My goal was to step out of my comfort zone and I have to say, I have done that!  I spent a lot of time the past 12 years thinking about what I couldn't do and now I am thinking about what I CAN do!  It has been a bit of an epiphany!  Remember when you were 20 something and you thought you could really do anything you wanted to and could solve ALL the world's problems?  I spent my early adult years feeling that each day.  Then my marriage failed and it felt like I lost all my power because I couldn't fix that.  I have spent the time since feeling defeated and powerless and weak.  I'm not weak, have never been weak, but that is how I was perceiving myself.  Other people didn't think that, I know that now, but it doesn't matter what other people think if you don't believe in yourself.  Anyway, I made a vow to myself to change, and once I came to terms with that vow, there has been no turning back.  I find myself happy like I haven't been for years.  One of the things I told myself I was going to do was let more people into my world.  I have always been close to my family, but when I returned to Kirksville, I didn't make friends because I viewed myself as "damaged goods" and thought no one needed me in their life.  This didn't only apply to men - women too, particularly if they were happily married!  I retreated into the arms of my family and allowed them to fill all of those friend needs.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family and they are among my most prized relationships, but I needed more.  In the past several years I have rediscovered old and developed new friendships that are so awesome!  I can't tell you how important that has been to me!  They listen to me because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to!  How awesome is that?  Some of you are shaking your heads, I should have known, but I didn't allow myself to know!  I am learning.

A happy Julie used to be a rare sight, now I'm happy most of the time!

I am beginning to feel like I can do anything again...........and maybe I can.  I wake up in the morning and I am thinking happy thoughts before I think of my problems.  THIS IS HUGE!  Thanks for all of you who are part of this journey!  I will never be able to repay you except by being a good friend to you.  I allowed myself to believe I was not worth a happy life for too long.  So.......................I am looking forward to tomorrow and the day after that and....................The sun is shining, and the birds are singing!  If I am scaring you, I apologize.  Hopefully you will get used to it! HA

Smiles and Laughs!

Hello Friends!  Sometimes God smiles at us and sometimes He laughs!  This past week there was some of both.  My new mantra, "Stronger, Leaner, and Meaner" applies.  I was a bit bruised, but am none the worse for wear.  There are parts of the week that I would like to forget and parts that make me smile.

Remember, I am just now recognizing the new person I hope to become and with that journey there will be bumps!  Everything lately is a learning experience, new things around every turn.  No more details, but know that I am continuing to look for Just Julie adventures.

Tomorrow I am meeting with Sara Williams to talk about the fundraiser for the girls' basketball team summer program. I am hopeful that we will make an agreement and I can get to work right away.  These personalized pendants will be fun to make and, hopefully, will put some much-needed money in my pockets.  Andrew had a fender-bender in the high school parking lot this morning, so we will need to deal with those bills..........does it never end?

I missed walking all last week because of weather and other activities.  I missed it and really enjoyed walking this afternoon, although I didn't walk as much as I was before last week.  I read somewhere that you have to do an activity for a certain span of time before it becomes a habit..........does anyone remember that statistic?  I fell off the healthy eating wagon last weekend too, but it doesn't appear I have gained any of the 22 pounds back as of this morning.  Of course, the Reese's Peanut Butter egg didn't help after school today.  Thanks Mom! HA!

So my question tonight, how do you keep the motivation alive after the novelty has worn off?  That, I think, is where I find myself now.  I had some pretty specific goals related to last weekend and now I need to set some new ones.

Here I am sporting my black eye from a few days ago.  This was only one in a series of freak things that happened! (Cordless phone flew up and hit me square in the eye) God smiled and then did a belly-laugh!

Until later!  Julie

Faith

This post is not particularly easy to write, but it is long overdue.  Some of you know that I have taken a break from church in recent months.  This was by choice, and the time was right.  By now you know that I have had a difficult couple of years.  Honestly, I have had a difficult 12 years!  I am only now emerging from that fog and trying to find myself anew.  I was raised in the church and worship has been a HUGE part of my life always.  It was how I developed and shared my music, and was always part of my identity.  Things like "You are Julie from the Methodist church." or "I recognize you from church." have always been things I hear from people.  Truth is, for a long time, that was the only outlet I allowed myself. In the last year, however, I have looked at things in my life and asked the question, "Why?"  I discovered something interesting - I didn't go to church because I wanted to, I went to church because I was expected to.  There is a difference!  Often I enjoyed my time there, but sometimes it was just something else to cross off the list.

The time presented itself last fall to take a break and Andrew and I took it.  I didn't tell anyone the reason for my absence - that was between me and God.  At first, I didn't miss church.  I missed people, but not church and I thought that maybe I would not go back, or at least change to a different church.  Changing churches was never going to work, however, because my church was where I belong - each and every time I walk through the doors of the sanctuary I think of my grandfather working the day those huge beams came together at the apex of the sanctuary.  Anyway, I began to love Sunday mornings at home. I never had any obligations on Sunday other than church, so lounging, cooking breakfast, doing housework - all those tasks got a couple of extra minutes.

My family didn't even know what was going on in my head.  Some people had an idea about why I was gone, but that wasn't really the reason - although, again, the opportunity presented itself.  Mostly it was a feeling of selfishness - I had gone to church all those years and my life just wasn't getting any easier.  I was praying for things that weren't happening. I have been blessed, very blessed, in my life but it just all seems like a struggle.  Nothing can be easy and nothing seems to ever go according to my plan.  I know, don't say it, I know!  God makes the plans and He has the vision, but I am a control-freak.  I want to be in control.  Is that too much to ask?  Clearly, I had been to church but had never heard the message!

Last week I went back to church because the youth and their parents were starting the "Love, Sex, and Dating" series in Sunday School.  Andrew and I needed to do this, so off we went.  Sunday school was pleasant and much less painful than we both thought it would be.  We headed upstairs to the sanctuary for worship.  It was nice.  I sat with my family and Andrew and I enjoyed it.  There was an announcement about a women's retreat the next Saturday and on a whim I bought a ticket.  This morning I headed out the door for this retreat and really, really needed it.  While I have not come to terms with all my control issues, I know that God has a plan for me!

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Here I am out the door this morning!  'Til later - Julie

Mini Celebration!

Hello Friends!

So today I am celebrating!  I have lost 15 pounds since the New Year.  I have approached this with a new outlook - not dieting exactly, but really thinking about the food choices I make.  The truth is that I feel really crappy when I eat crap. (Really technical diet vocabulary) and I KNOW how to feel better!  I eat because I am bored, sad, alone, upset........all of the emotions I have been ignoring for so long.  Certainly, I need to keep this new vision alive - but I have been unable to lose even 5 pounds for the last 5 years!  I have a long way to go, but have a hunch that this time could be different if I really live my words.  Does that make sense?

Words are so easy, ssssooooo easy!  Actions are the hard things. I am at a point in my life where the actions matching the words is essential.  I have no time for people who lie to me - I have had ENOUGH of that!  I want to surround myself with people who are truthful, genuine, and real.  This is so uber-important to me!  Certainly, I am unable to judge people's intrinsic motivations, but if the words match the actions - I'm comfortable.  This is new behavior for me.  I have traditionally taken words as a committment, and then was continually disappointed!  How silly is that?  Like I didn't know any better!

Have you ever noticed that when one thing goes well, everything seems to go well?  School isn't even getting under my skin lately - although I would draw the line at saying it is going well.  Even I am noticing that there is a smile on my face more often now.  I wonder, is it possible to feel this good on a regular basis?  Maybe it is - wouldn't that be GREAT?  I might, however, begin to scare some people who are used to the serious, somber me. LOL - wouldn't that be a hoot?

So, I'm asking you............what makes you happy?  For me right now?  Family, old friends, new friends, feeling like my life is getting under control, walking to great music, breaking my ties with food, getting a good night's sleep every night.  The list could go on!  Plus, it feels like spring!  HOORAY!  Until later, Just Julie

Serendipity

First and foremost, my basement is much, much better.  There really isn't less stuff - although I did throw out 2 garbage cans of stuff - but it is much better organized and less cluttered.  Well, maybe not less cluttered, there still seems to be a LOT of crap down there.  Here are some pictures - because I have a new camera - so you can see how I divided it into 3 different areas.  The good news is that I didn't have to buy anything - I already had all the materials I needed to organize the space.

This is the Just Julie work area!

This is the music and book area!

This is the television/gaming area - where Andrew hangs out most!

This week alone has given me a LOT of time to think.  Most of you know that I think TOO much and it often leaves me stressed and frustrated.  This time, however, I have tried to focus on how things happen.  Life is a journey, and we never know what the next stop on the trip is. Up until about a year ago, I was pretty focused on doing everything that was expected of me.  I thought that if I did that, then good things would happen because I was doing "what I was supposed to".  While it sounds very altruistic, it was really just my defense mechanism.  No one was supposed to notice that I was sad or lonely.  Looking back, I think lots of people noticed, but no one said anything because I didn't seem worried about it.  In reality, I was worried about it but didn't ever speak of it.  Then a funny thing began to happen, and I can't really put a finger on a single trigger.  I guess it was the success of Just Julie and I realized that I really might have something that other people appreciate, but that isn't really it because I had music before that.  Whatever it was, I decided that it was time for me to do things for me!  Now mind you, I hoped I didn't hurt or disappoint anyone, but I began to do things that made me happy.  Many people have noticed a change, which fueled the desire within me.

Then came the new year and I had to really begin to focus on what I wanted.  What I wanted was to get out of my house and enjoy being around people.  I LOVE my friends and family and wouldn't want them to think I don't enjoy being with them, but maybe there could be more out there for me.

SO...........I am trying to meet new people.  Nowadays the way to meet new people is online, and I firmly believe that the internet contributed to the death of my marriage. I had, therefore, resisted meeting people this way due to a fear of hurting other people, or meeting crazy people or weirdos, but I was looking at it wrong! I was seeing only the negatives and ignoring the positives! The number of people we come in contact with in our daily lives is pretty small.  We are bound by geography, our careers, or family to stay in one place, without much opportunity for meeting people different from ourselves.  I'm not just talking about Kirksville, because the same thing happened when I lived in other places. The very thing I was afraid of has now become a great opportunity! The internet allows us to meet people totally outside our small circles!  The world is much "smaller" than it used to be because now we can get online and talk to anyone anywhere in the world.  That realization is what I am calling serendipity!  Who knows what will happen and what twists and turns are ahead.........I'm just glad to be back on the bus!  

Until later - Just Julie

The Basement

So, this week my focus is going to be the basement.  I would assume everyone has a place in their home where they send things to be forgotten.  That place in my house is the basement.  When Andrew and I moved into this house in 1998, the basement was an empty room with a couple of chairs,a bookcase, the piano, the computer, and a tent Andrew got for his 3rd birthday.  There is a big room, a half-bath, and a laundry room.  It seemed HUGE!  Over the years, more and more stuff has been relegated to the basement - everything that you don't know what to do with.  Now the room has all the original stuff (except the computer), a couch, recliner, television, gaming system, large round table, a large armoire, and lots of other crap.  It has become more of a space for Andrew.  This week my goal is to get some of it organized.  I think I could work for a week and not make a dent.  Lots needs to be thrown away - why is that so hard?  What is it about stuff that grabs hold of us and doesn't let go?  I am all for keeping sentimental things - the more the merrier, but junk isn't sentimental!  It's junk!  What do you think friends?  What is your secret to a happy medium of possessions and junk?  I am anxious to hear your stories - maybe one of them will inspire me!

An idea I saw on Pinterest caught my attention recently.  There were two vases and colored marbles.  One vase was labeled "To Lose" the other was labeled "Lost".  The idea was that for every pound lost you move one marble to the "Lost" vase.  So today I went to the dollar store and bought 2 vases and two colors of marbles.  I have yet to figure out where to put the jars - they need to be somewhere I can see them when I think about snacking.  This, coupled with Weight Watchers online and walking, is my strategy for success.  I am starting with a very small goal - like 10 pounds - and will work from there.  The only think left would be to put pictures of me in a bathing suit all over the kitchen, but making everyone sick isn't the answer to the problem either.  I will let you know in subsequent blogs how it is going.  I might even try to do some challenges like my friend Missy B. did.  Something has to change if I am to stay on track this year.

Have a great week, until later, Julie

Perspective

Hello - a week has passed and while I am still looking back at last week with a smile, life has moved on.  Who knows what my next opportunity will be, but that isn't my first priority.  Spring Break is upon me and as I drop Andrew off in St. Louis tomorrow, I realize once again that I will be mostly alone for the next week. I don't mind being alone - at least no one disappoints you when you are alone - but it doesn't really fit into my new vision.  Certainly a trip isn't in the budget.........................will it ever be again?  So I am asking you, my friends, do you have any suggestions for me this week?  Shoot me a challenge.

I was doing so well with my diet while I was hopelessly terrified and nervous, but that seems to have worn off.  I am hoping that the nice weather next week will inspire me to get outside and walk.

On a happier note - I was contacted by the Girls Basketball coach this week to possibly work on a fundraiser for their summer team this spring.  We will look at it more closely after their season is over, but this is something that interests me.  I hope that Just Julie will be what they are looking for.

Have an awesome break if you are in Kirksville, even though it isn't truly spring.........and we never really had winter..............and there isn't really anything exciting to do!

Until Next Time - Julie

WOW!

My great friend Tracey sending me out the door!  She was so patient and kind.  I put my makeup on wrong, forgot hairspray, couldn't finish sentences.........I was a mess!

This, my friends, is what fear looks like!  I took a big step on Friday and went on a date.  Yes!  A real date........and it was very, very nice.  Only time will tell if there is a 2nd, but the simple act of preparing for and going on this date is a cornerstone.  The world didn't end, I didn't explode in fright, he wasn't an axe murderer, and I appeared to keep his attention and add to interesting conversation.  To say the least, I am proud of myself.  Those of you that know me well have been so supportive - and I am so grateful!

Fear is a funny thing!  I have plenty of self confidence to do a lot of really difficult things. I think nothing of walking into a room full of strangers and striking up a conversation.  I enjoy singing in front of 500 friends and strangers.  I have no trouble articulating my thoughts and ideas in an intelligent way.  This date, however, had me shaking in my boots and almost unable to get out of the car.  I have allowed emotional fears to insulate me from experiencing these feelings and that MUST STOP.  I must change the way I look at this part of my life.  I also must tackle the physical insulation I have allowed to accumulate.  My thought process was that if I was physically unattractive (weight-wise) then no one would be interested and thus hurt me.  Totally flawed, but it has kept me "safe" for quite a while.  I am still on target with my New Year's resolution - A New Vision.

Certainly, there is plenty of my resolution that has nothing to do with relationships and dating, but this was a HUGE week, and, Just for Julie!