As of today the magic number is 22! I need to keep my motivation because the scale hasn't moved in over a week. Hasn't gone up, but hasn't gone down either. A couple of people have asked me about what I am doing. I have been watching what I eat pretty consistently for the past year. I even spent several weeks eating nothing except "diet foods" but was unsuccessful at losing any weight. The difference this time has been the walking. I walk every day I can. I am truly learning to enjoy it too. I spend that time thinking, reflecting, and thinking about my next "move". I have found a couple of walking podcasts on iTunes that have made it easy for me to stick to a pretty consistent rhythm when I walk which keeps the heart rate up most of the walk. Those are Motion Traxx Fuel for Fitness. The name of the podcasts are Walker's Delight and Walker's Delight 2. They are free, you just download them to your iPod and then go. They are good because they are just studio music. I find that if I am walking to my own favorite music I focus on the songs and don't get that thinking time. When I am using the podcast and get into a rhythm, I don't even think about how much further I have to go.
I am having an interesting year. My goal was to step out of my comfort zone and I have to say, I have done that! I spent a lot of time the past 12 years thinking about what I couldn't do and now I am thinking about what I CAN do! It has been a bit of an epiphany! Remember when you were 20 something and you thought you could really do anything you wanted to and could solve ALL the world's problems? I spent my early adult years feeling that each day. Then my marriage failed and it felt like I lost all my power because I couldn't fix that. I have spent the time since feeling defeated and powerless and weak. I'm not weak, have never been weak, but that is how I was perceiving myself. Other people didn't think that, I know that now, but it doesn't matter what other people think if you don't believe in yourself. Anyway, I made a vow to myself to change, and once I came to terms with that vow, there has been no turning back. I find myself happy like I haven't been for years. One of the things I told myself I was going to do was let more people into my world. I have always been close to my family, but when I returned to Kirksville, I didn't make friends because I viewed myself as "damaged goods" and thought no one needed me in their life. This didn't only apply to men - women too, particularly if they were happily married! I retreated into the arms of my family and allowed them to fill all of those friend needs. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family and they are among my most prized relationships, but I needed more. In the past several years I have rediscovered old and developed new friendships that are so awesome! I can't tell you how important that has been to me! They listen to me because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to! How awesome is that? Some of you are shaking your heads, I should have known, but I didn't allow myself to know! I am learning.
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| A happy Julie used to be a rare sight, now I'm happy most of the time! |
I am beginning to feel like I can do anything again...........and maybe I can. I wake up in the morning and I am thinking happy thoughts before I think of my problems. THIS IS HUGE! Thanks for all of you who are part of this journey! I will never be able to repay you except by being a good friend to you. I allowed myself to believe I was not worth a happy life for too long. So.......................I am looking forward to tomorrow and the day after that and....................The sun is shining, and the birds are singing! If I am scaring you, I apologize. Hopefully you will get used to it! HA
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