Teenagers

Hello Friends!  It is the final week of school and I can see the finish line from here.  I am sure it is my age, and the age of my son, but I seem to have gotten a lot of graduation announcements and party invitations in the mail, on Facebook, and in my email inbox in the past month. Now, I don't want to be Debbie Downer - graduation is an exciting time and a milestone achievement in life!  So congrats to all the graduates! Your hard work has paid off and hopefully you are prepared for the challenges that lie ahead! I have been thinking back to my own high school graduation, when I thought I had it all figured out.  HA - what a joke that is now!  I had NOTHING figured out!  I do, however, remember thinking that the day after graduation I was going to feel different.  I also remember waking up the next morning realizing that I felt nothing different.  In fact, I was starting all over again!  Graduating looks so exciting when it is on the horizon, but in fact it is simply an end and a new beginning.  Exciting?  Yes.  Life changing?  Maybe. The finish line?  No.  While I understand why we can't make these 17 and 18 year olds understand this, I sometimes wish someone had prepared me for the feelings of "the morning after."  Even my classmates who weren't going off to college had big decisions still to be made!  We were old enough to be done with high school, but not quite mature enough to be adults.............at least I wasn't!

On the other end of the spectrum, I have been accused of acting like a teenager lately.  On more than one occasion, I have been known to smile, giggle, or even laugh out loud while looking at my phone.  I have discovered that dating now is much different than dating when I actually WAS a teenager!  Gone are the days of staying home and waiting for the phone to ring. (And gone are the days when the telephone was in the family kitchen and attached to the wall- making private conversations totally nonexistent.) Now, the phone goes with us, and doesn't even have to ring.  A few words by text message and a wink or a smile can be sent or received within seconds.  There are several things here that have me perplexed.  Is it better simply because communication is much simpler to achieve, or is it better because I am a different person than I was 35 years ago?I am convinced it is both, but mostly the later.  I have come to realize that I need to decide who I want to be, not wait for someone to tell me who to be.  I have also come to discover that I should only ever be 100% myself! This was not the case when I was younger.  With maturity and battle scars comes wisdom.  I have so much more wisdom than I did then.  I am much more comfortable in my own skin - that wasn't true when I was younger.  Sure, there are lots of things about me that I would love to change, am working on changing, but the list of those desired changes no longer involves my most basic values and beliefs.  The list no longer involves me changing the very foundations of who I am.  I admit that when I was younger, I was searching - searching for direction, searching for faith, searching for love.................and I was not really searching for me!
Now that I have found me, everything else is sweeter.......finding direction, finding faith, finding love.  While I may be looking through rose-colored glasses, I dare say they are actually rosy - and don't just have the illusion of rosiness!

School................well school will be over on Thursday.  This week is basically a play-week.  I am always anxious for the end of school to get here, but with it comes chaos, work, and anxiety.  Certainly, it is not an anxiety born of the unknown, it is more an anxiety of what will come next.  I already have 2 work days scheduled next week - to write reading curriculum.  People often say that teachers have such an easy life - they have summers off.  Those people don't realize that one school year ends and another begins within the next few weeks...................

Hope this finds everyone as happy as I am right now.......everyone should be this happy!

Until later,  Julie

Happiness!

Hello Friends!  I hope everyone is having a fabulous spring.  I know I am!  Life is good! Really good!  Really, really good.............and it makes me happy. If you had told me 2 years ago that I would be in this place, I would have said, "Hell no, I will not, why would I want to do that?"  If you had told me a year ago I would be in this place, I would have said, "No, no, I don't want that."  If you had told me 6 months ago I would be in this place, I would have said, "No, there isn't anyone out there for me."  Today?  I'm simply smiling.  A LOT!

I have read a lot of books over the past 10 years about how to find happiness, and be grateful for the simple things.  Life gets complicated sometimes.  So, so complicated!  It is easy to lose track of what is important.  I have come back to the core of what I was looking for, happiness!  I am ridiculously happy right now, and I love it!  Honestly, I am beginning to think this has been God's plan all the time.  Remember when I wrote about losing my faith and being tired of waiting for my prayers to be answered?  I spent years waiting for my "real life" to begin.  Years!  All that time has led me to this place in my life, however.  It wasn't easy, and there were many tantrums and tears along the way, but I wouldn't be who I am now without that time.  I think that, along with my acceptance that God answers prayers in His own way and on His own timetable, has brought me here!  My original vision was that I needed to find what made me happy.  I have found friends, a hobby that I enjoy, a long-needed fitness overhaul, and a very special man, John. If you follow me on Facebook you already know this......and he is wonderful.

I have often heard people say that you have to go out and find your happiness.  I never believed that because I thought that if it was truly meant to be, then happiness would find you.  Now I see it is a combination of both.  Happiness cannot come through a closed door.  There must be at least a part of it open...........that's what I think I have done this year.  However small, I opened the door and took the risks needed for happiness to find me right now......and I am happy!

The school year is winding down and I can see summer on the horizon.  I enjoy summer as a time to focus on what needs to be done around the house, recharging my energy for school, relaxing, and enjoying the freedom that comes with no schedule.  My friend Dianne will be back in Northeast Missouri for the summer and I am really, really, really looking forward to lazy afternoons in her pool where no one can see us in bathing suits! :)  The necklace fund raiser went well - Coach Williams is happy with the outcome and so am I.  I will also have some time this summer to get all that organized and ready to go for the fall and holiday season.

Friends, I hope you feel as happy as I do!  I had truly forgotten how this feels!