25 Random Things Revisited

I discovered Facebook in 2008.  No, not like Al Gore discovered the internet, but it was new to me in 2008.  I told myself that I was joining because I wanted to make sure I knew about it before Andrew decided he wanted a page.  Very, very quickly, I was addicted.  One of the things that was popular then was doing these "Notes" posts where you tag all your friends and they read yours and were then expected to write one too.  People don't do that as much now.  Anyway, I have always been a pretty private person, so there were a LOT of people who knew absolutely NOTHING about me except in what I would call an acquaintance way.  I was able to fool a lot of people about the state of my personal life.  I put on a brave face and acted happy and bubbly most of the time.  That's what people saw, but it wasn't reality.  The reality was that I was pretty miserable and had been for many, many years.

When this "25 Random Things About Me" post came along I did nothing for a long time. (see number 6 on the list)  Reading others' lists gave me the courage to write my own, which took me several days.(again, see number 6 on the list)  I changed my Facebook profile picture this week and the pic came from 2008.  I am smiling and looking pretty happy, but inside I was dying.  It made me think about these 25 things I wrote and published.  When I looked back at the list, I am SHOCKED at how many of them are no longer true.  In any way!  5 years later I am a different (better) person...............maybe I have Facebook to thank!  Here is the original list in black ink.  The comments I make now will be in red ink. Some of this is interesting, some of it is sad, and some is just pathetic.  LOL

25 Things About Me

25.  This scares the begeebees out of me.  This is WAY more exposure than I am comfortable with.

This has lessened somewhat, but I still don't like feeling exposed and vulnerable.

24.  I have trust issues – big surprise – that come from being burned in personal relationships.

I have worked through most of this - I now surrounded by people whom I can trust and depend on. 

23.  I am afraid of bridges, birds, mice, and squirrels. 

No change here.  Still a freak!

22.  I enjoy doing things alone.  I really do!  That doesn’t mean I don’t like being with family and friends, it just means being alone feels like a guilty pleasure.

I still enjoy alone time, but don't have to have as much.  :) 

21.  I believe that music is a language, and speaking it makes me feel good.  I sing all the time – I learned to be a soloist singing in my car!  I love the feeling I have when my voice is warmed up and I don’t have to work to sing, it just comes out.

Still get joy from this.  It will never change. 

20.  I am surrounded by people who love me very much.  I need to be willing to accept that love more unconditionally.

I am better about this.  I have allowed more people in and am able to just accept their love and friendship as a joy.

19.  I am not comfortable in my own skin and try to cover that by having nice things.

Ok, maybe I am a bit more confident, but I have also learned that most people feel this way about some aspect of their life...........so, I'm normal! (Ha!  I know it's a relative term!)

18.  I have seen every episode of “Friends” multiple times.  I reference “Friends” all the time, mostly Chandler.

Still love "Friends" but watch more "Big Bang Theory".  I think I might be most like...........you fill in the blank.

17.  I watch people and tend to imitate traits I am attracted to.  Sometimes that makes me feel disingenuous.

Yep, still do this, but am seeing more of me now.

16.  I worry about everything.  I worry for other people.  I wake up in the night worrying.  Every night!

I worry, I have always worried, and I will always worry.

15.  I fear the best part of my life is over. 

NOT TRUE AT ALL!  I know NOW the best part of my life is just beginning!

14.  I don’t know how people ever have intimate, personal relationships after a marriage ends.  I just don’t think I can do it.

This one is GONE.  When the right person comes along, it happens.

13.  I long for unconditional love like my parents, Tracy and Mike, and Rob and Jenn have.  They really, truly, love each other.

Found it!  Not a void in my life anymore!  Hooray and thank you John!

12.  I have friends from my childhood that were some of the best choices I ever made.  I want that for Andrew and probably try a little too hard to find him his Mo and Tracey.

Still true, but have some new friends too............

11.  I do not like Kate Gosselin. I do like Colin Firth.  In everything he does!

Good grief - who is Kate Gosselin (kidding) and I still love my Colin Firth.

10.  I am not divorced.  It just hasn’t happened yet.

Done!  2010 - Fear no longer held me back..........and I SURVIVED!

9.  I wish I had as many friends as my sister Tracy has – although I wouldn’t like to be on the phone that much.  She is a good friend to all and gets it back multiplied.  I envy that.

I think I do have as many friends now..............and now it is texting, Facebooking, and Facebook chatting.  I do it all.  Thank GOD for unlimited texting.

8.  My brother is very, very good at what he does.  He knows a lot and is a great husband and father.  I admire that.

Still the same, nothing different here.

7.  I feel uncomfortable in groups.  It makes me sad that I feel like I never fit in.

Still true in some ways, but I do fit in now.  It was all in my own perceptions!

6.  I think a very, very long time about what I say.  I practice, write the words down, and wait a long time.  This sometimes makes me seem callous.

This is still true.  Very, very true.  

5.  I eat because I am lonely.  It “insulates” me from pain in personal relationships.

I overcame this last year and lost 36 pounds.  Now I have to get back "on the wagon".

4.  I married an “ideal”.  I have learned what I DON’T want, but I don’t really know what I DO want. 

Yep, I knew what I DIDN'T want, and now I know what I DO want!  

3.  A big house, fancy car, and lots of “stuff” used to seem important.  It isn’t important at all anymore. (although I still love nice things)

Well, being poor makes you humble and appreciate that you have all your basic needs met.  Everything else is just gravy.

2.  I somehow have a reputation of being organized, but I am not.  I swear they took my brain out with my uterus!

I am trying so hard to get better organized.  In some ways it is better and in some ways it is worse.  I like to call it a work in progress!  I still like to blame my scattered brain on my missing "lady parts"

1.  I want to be happy, but sometimes I am not.

Most of the time I was not.  Now, most of the time I am happy.  Genuinely, totally, and entirely happy. Sickeningly happy as my sister says.  I never, ever want to go back.  Ever!

So, friends, if you ever think you can't make changes in your life, rethink that!  If I can do it, ANYONE can!  You just have to be willing to open up and let people know those 25 THINGS ABOUT YOU!

Until later,  Julie